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Mormons and Christians Dating
Going through some old emails once again. The four below are from Christians who are in some way involved romantically with a Mormon. I've addressed the topic of Christians dating non-Christians many times before and even of A Mormon Dating a Christian, but it is a topic that keeps coming up.
Notes: In the following e-mail exchanges, the e-mailers' comments are in black and enclosed in "greater than" and "lesser than" signs. My comments are in red. Mormonism is also known as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS).
I will start this letter by telling you that I came across this website while researching the Mormon religion because of some debates I have gotten into over their views. The purpose of this letter is to ask your advice. I am a Baptist and believe whole heartedly that the Bible is the truth. I am currently studying to be a missionary for Christians and recently met a man about my age named Seth. Now Seth is Mormon, but I am not sure if they are his beliefs or his parents (I am 16 and he is seventeen).
I cannot seem to get the words "Mormon and lie" out of my mind because I feel that all Mormonism is a lie, one huge lie. But I am really interested and was wondering if you had any advice in case we do start dating. I want to be able to find out HIS beliefs. How would I ask that without offending?
There are significant and important differences between Mormonism and Biblical Christianity. And with your planning on being a missionary, you would have a hard time being involved with a Mormon.
Part of the problem in dealing with Mormons is that many Mormons do not really understand what the Mormon religion really teaches. So I would suggest you do some study and find out yourself. Maybe you could then present this info to your friend and help "open his eyes." Even if they are not his personal beliefs, he needs to understand what it is that his religion actually teaches. And such a discussion should get him talking about what he believes.
However, I would caution you to not get too close or you could end up really hurt. If he doesn't "come around" then, it would be very difficult to continue in a relationship with him. My articles on Mormonism are located at: Mormonism. Note that these articles are in my "cults" section for a reason. I also have links to other counter-Mormon sites on my links pages: Mormonism Ministries Sites.
And finally, my Scripture Workbook contains some info that would be of relevance to Mormonism.
>Subject: A Mormon and a Christian Dating
I was reading the Mormon and a Christian dating. I thought it was really interesting!! Cause I'm going though the same thing. My boyfriend is a Mormon and I am a Christian. We had at least three fights about this. We don't know if we want to be together because of our religion. But I told him I would give him time to think of what he really wants, if he wants to be with me or not.
I gave him time, and he called me late at night and said he really wanted to be with me. And I said ok!! But I am scared that if we are going out for a long time and we decide to get married it might be a problem!! Can you please help me and give advice of what to do? Thank you!!
Since you've already had three fights about religion that should tell you what things could be like if you stay together and things get serious. This is an issue that you're not going to be able to ignore. You could brush it aside for a while, but sooner or later you have to deal with it, so it's better to do it now before things get too serious between you two.
>Subject: Mormon and Christian dating
I have read thoroughly through your articles about Mormon and Christian dating only to find them more depressing with each word. I am in fact dating a Mormon and in fact "in love" but what you pointed out was the truth. There is no way of just outright saying "your religion is wrong" without hurting the other person. With my b/f it's different though, he is not a practicing Mormon; he used to be a priest but was kicked out. However, he still believes in the writings.
I want to show him how wonderful my church and beliefs are, but he thinks he knows "everything" there is to know about religion. How do I tell him that there is no way of knowing everything and that I really think that he would enjoy my church without hurting him?
I'm lost, and I don't know what to do. I am very very serious about my beliefs, and he knows it, so we usually avoid the subject. I have done much studying on Mormonism, and I do NOT like the religion at all, especially the parts about women.
We have discussed marriage a great deal, and we have plans. But I'm not going to marry him to be his little slave or just another wife. I don't want to insult him or hurt him, but we will end up hurting each other if something isn't done eventually. I just wish there was a way that I could let him know that the light that he sees in me is not from "me" but from God.
You're obviously struggling, and I can understand why. Since he's not a practicing Mormon, that might make things easier, or it could make it harder. You would think that since he's not a practicing Mormon he wouldn't be so dogmatic about Mormonism being "right." If it is, then why isn't he attending?
You say he was kicked out, but you're not clear if this was just as a "priest" or of the Mormon Church in general. But either way, why? Something is apparently going on with him spiritually.
But since he's not attending the Mormon Church, you would think he would at least be open to go with you to church, at least on occasion. If he completely refuses to go with you, then that could be a "warning" of future problems.
Also, you say you basically avoid talking about the subject of "religion." Now think about this one carefully. Do you really want to spend your life with someone whom you cannot even talk to about something that is very important to you?
Having said that, I understand that if you truly love him, that it would be hard to walk away from it. To find "Mr. (almost) Right" and then to leave him would be very difficult. But I do know that as long as you stay with him, then you're not "looking" for anyone else. So you really need to make a decision. You cannot go on forever sitting on the fence. Either make a commitment to him or move on. I know it might be hard to see that now, but if he is not "the one" for you, then God just might have someone waiting for you elsewhere. But you'll never know as long as you drag things out.
>Subject: Counsel request: Christian-Mormon dating
I have been trying to overcome an emotional stronghold for a few years now. I came across your web page in which you responded to a young man dating a Mormon girl. If you have time, I would love to hear about any advice or counseling you may have for my current situation in the same subject area....in which I have become quite desperate for Godly counsel. I have tried to talk to pastors about overcoming this emotional stronghold, but they have admitted (which I am grateful for) that they are not well educated in Mormon beliefs, so I hope that you will be able to shed some light....
My freshman year of college (I am now 23 and in medical school), I met and fell in love with an LDS member (Nathan). I grew up in a Christian home, attending a non-denominational church, but was never taught anything about the Mormon faith. I was initially concerned, but he told me that Mormons were just like another Christian denomination. He attended church with me and we often read the Bible together as a study break. He has such a love for Christ as his Savior, so I originally accepted his comment that Mormons are Christian.
As time continued, he would say things that obviously reflected unbiblical teachings (i.e. three levels of heaven, Jesus and Lucifer as spirit brothers, and God having a wife). I realized that there were discrepancies between our faiths and delved into studying Mormon doctrine. It did not take long for me to realize that the divide between us was indeed wide, and I questioned his salvation, became fearful for the man I loved, freaked out, and entered that dangerous realm of dating evangelism.
Nathan grew up in a home where his mother was LDS and his father grew up Catholic (and still non-Mormon), so I thought he would be open to exploring biblical truths with me. We went to a Christian book store and purchased a few books that targeted contradictions between the Mormon and orthodox Christian beliefs.
Immediately, Nathan and I both became confused. I had assumed that Nathan as an LDS member believed in Mormon doctrine; however, in all of his years of attending the Mormon church he had never been exposed to a lot of doctrine addressed, such as the doctrine of Eternal Progression. He refused to believe that the Mormon Church would teach many of those doctrines and was convinced that the church chose not to due to current day revelation - that those teachings were necessary for people in past generations and should not be viewed as current beliefs of the Mormon Church.
When Nathan realized that I would never accept attending an LDS church as part of my future, we decided to stop dating my junior year of college. We were still very much in love, but knew that a future together would be spiritually challenging. At this point, Nathan had graduated, and was being pressured by his mother and church family to pursue a Mormon mission. He knew that in order to be truly accepted by his church family that this was a journey he needed to take in order to gain a stronger testimony of the LDS faith. He knew that I did not support his decision, but felt that he would regret it for the rest of his life if he didn't go. His final interview before he was to depart on his mission, the bishop deemed him unworthy and told Nathan that God had not yet forgiven him for his two year relationship with me (a non-Mormon) and sent Nathan back home to study scripture for 3 more months in order to prepare.
When he finally left for his mission, I was a senior in college finishing up the interviewing process for medical school. I spent hours praying for him, and my mom had developed prayer circles for him - we were devastated at the path he had chosen to take. Two weeks later, Nathan called me from home....he did not feel that God had called him to go on a Mormon mission, was too fearful of completely losing me, and left the missionary training center in Utah. He moved back to school and wanted to try a relationship again.
I stood my ground and reaffirmed my desire to being equally yoked. I left the state a month later to start school, and he went off to BYU for graduate school (ironically the only school where he was accepted).
Nathan until this day wants to marry, but I know that even though he does not accept a lot of Mormon doctrine, he finds comfort and truth in the Mormon Church.
Two years now I have been praying for God to change my heart; however, I still love Nathan just as much now as I did two years ago. I am so fearful of cutting off all contact with him (he is immersed in the Mormon culture at BYU) because I am the only Christian he has in his life. Nathan often respects the spiritual advice I give him, and I know that he will seek the counsel of his Mormon friends if we no longer speak.
I know that it is God's desire that his children are equally yoked, as it is my desire, and, thus, I cannot understand my inability to let go emotionally of this situation. Am I supposed to let go and trust that God is working through other people to draw Nathan into His kingdom, or am I to continue and show Nathan that Christ-like love of a friend and continue to struggle with my feelings for him? I know that I will still struggle with my feelings for him even if we do not talk - I have no doubt that if we were spiritually on the same page, marriage would be in our future. I guess the heart of my emotional stronghold is that if it is God's will and my will to be equally yoked, why do my prayers for a change of heart remain unanswered?
I know that you are extremely busy, so I apologize in advance for taking up your time and will understand if you chose not to reply....there are many in need of your services. Thank you for all of the information you have supplied on your website, it has truly been a source of spiritual strength for me. For all of your efforts in Him - God bless....
Thank you for your email. I must say, it is a heartbreaking story. To find someone you feel would be "the one" but to have one problem, even one as vitally important as this one, to stand in the way, would be frustrating, to say the least.
I must commend you for being determined to follow God's Word and not be unequally yoked with a Mormon. Being in as much love with each other as you two are is a very difficult thing to walk away from. But the differences are vast and real between Mormonism and true Christianity, and they cannot simply be ignored. And if you were to get married, inevitably there would be difficulties down the road, especially once children entered the picture.
That said, Nathan is obviously struggling some spiritually or he would have gone on the missions trip. But are you the one to try to help him? I know it would be very difficult to cut off all contact with him. But it seems to me that you will never be able to "move on" as long as you continue to have contact with him. Your feelings are never going to go away, no matter how much you want them to.
But you really need to let go. I know it seems hard to believe now, but if Nathan is not the one for you, then there is someone else out there. But as long as you're clinging to Nathan, you're not going to be open to a new relationship. And if you do meet someone else, it wouldn't be fair to him if your heart is divided with continuing feelings for Nathan.
You do need to make a decision as to how to proceed. You cannot keep exciting your feelings for Nathan with continuing contact with him if you're not going to pursue a relationship with him. And you're not going to be able to let go and move on unless you let go of Nathan.
I don't know if that helps or not. But that's how I seen things from what you've told me.
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The above emails were posted on this site March 1, 2008.
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